The Difference Between Sex and Making Love

Anyone who knows me knows I love to talk about sex. Not because I’m dirty, but because I believe sex should be a popular and open topic to discuss, even in Churches, because its God’s beautiful gift to mankind.

Today I would like to talk about the difference between having sex, and making love. Now, I’m a virgin and will remain so until I’m married. I’ll be the first to admit that J and I have done some things that we both regret physically, but we are both determined our virginity stays intack right until the wedding night. Some might so I’m not qualified to talk about such a “mature” topic because of my lack of experience, but to those who say this, does that mean I shouldn’t talk against drugs because I’ve never had it? Or be against abortion because I’ve never had one? Or not talk about God’s laws that I’ve never had an issue with?

God’s Word is very black and white and that’s why I qualify to talk about it. Anyone can because God said we could.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” – Hebrews 13:4

The Word of God is clearly against premarital sex and so therefore should we also be and that’s why I have come to the conclusion that there is a difference between sex and making love.

If you truly love someone, why would you cause them to fall into sin? We know the penalty of sin and, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Having premarital sex is not only a great dishonor to yourself, but to the person you’re doing it with. What’s loving about that? You might say you’re “in love” which is why you did it, but I’ll be blunt and say right now that if you truly loved them, you wouldn’t allow it to happen and therefore, I personally conclude that you don’t love them the way God talks about true love.

Making love, in my opinion, can only occur in marriage. Sure the act of sex is just the same, but it’s within the confines of a beautiful relationship dedicated to God and dedicated to one another for the rest of their lives.

Sex is a beautiful thing. It knits one person to another which is why safe sex only occurs in marriage as well. It’s a pleasurable experience and also an act of love to one another when in the confines of marriage.

I don’t want to just “have sex” with J. I want us to make love and I know the first step to that is first being married.

 

I urge you to read into the matter and come to your own convictions on the topic.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

True Love Waits

J and I have gone through our fair share of temptation and we still do. No couple, Christian or not, is saved from temptation, especially as your relationship continues to grow and develop.

There have been times where I’ve thought about just giving in to my desires and just having sex, but its in those times God reminds me the most that, that’s the complete opposite of what love is and is the most unloving thing I could do to J.

It seems hard to get my head around. “If he likes it, how can it not be love?”. Ask yourself, if you loved someone, would you stab them? Shove them down into mud? That’s what sin does, cover us in the dirtiness and filth that God has saved us from.

I still find it hard to process, but I’m now at a place where I can say when the temptation arrives that I love J and that means I want to keep him out of sins hands. Temptation, though it might fight, must yield to us for we have Christ’s authority.

I wish more people understood that just because something feels good doesn’t make it right. For example, porn creates a lot of good feelings for those who watch it, but the negative effects show up later in broken marriages, erectile dysfunction, etc.

When you look at the world, you see the true devastation of what happens when we give into sexual temptation: young girls pregnant, or maybe having abortions, couples cheating on each other left right and center, AIDS and other sexual diseases, etc. When I remember all those things, not only am I fighting to protect J, but myself.

Just to clarify, J also protects me. Fighting temptation of this nature needs to be a team effort, otherwise you’re not going to win. Besides, if you’re dating someone who’s trying to pressure you into sex or has no care about your virginity, they’re not the God honouring partner God wants you with.

False love says, “But baby, just one time can’t hurt. We’ll use protection and go real slow and I promise after that we won’t do it again.” Or, “it won’t hurt just to cuddle under a blanket right? It’s normal for hands to wander, right?”

Real love says, “Though the desire to go far with you is strong, I’m going to honour you and show you the love that God wants you to have and the only real love that there is by waiting until our wedding night together where we can do this safely and in God’s design.”

Real love is all about being selfless while fake love is selfish, only it tries to mask itself by deceit.

I choose the way of real love and real truth by honouring each other’s bodies through purity. Will you choose God’s way? Or the worlds way?

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

Why Waiting Is So Hard…

Have you ever wondered why you crave someone’s presence? Why you constantly dream about your future spouse? Why sometimes you cry yourself to sleep because you miss them and you haven’t even met them yet? I’ve often wondered why our craving for companionship is sometimes more then any other craving.

So I thought today we’d take a look at Scriptures and see if we can finally answer the big why?

Let’s start with Genesis 2:18.

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Here we can see right off the bat that God created us with the desire for companionship while also promising to meet that desire. I’m sure some of you reading this now have often wondered if God will ever bring your future spouse to you and now you have your answer! When God creates us with needs He also promises to fulfill them. You can see this is Matthew 6:25-33.

Another great scripture to look at is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12,

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Solomon acknowledges the importance of companionship and the fruit that comes from it. As you can see in the last sentence as well, he also acknowledges the importance of our companionships including God. That’s why it’s important we yoke up with fellow believers who will pursue God with us. A relationship founded on God is the strongest.

In Hebrews 13:4 it says,

“Let marriage be held in honor among all….”

A marriage is an honourable thing in God’s eyes and so it should be for us as well. I believe this is planted in us from the day we’re conceived. That’s why little girls and boys dream of their future weddings and spouses.

Finally, let’s look at 1 Corinthians 7:2,

“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”

It doesn’t say IF temptation comes, it says BECAUSE of temptation.

Marriage is a safe place for us to explore our sexual desires and meet the desires of their spouse. Marriage is a place of vulnerability and love.

I don’t know about you guys, but I crave to be vulnerable and love while being loved. This wasn’t just an accident this was how God designed as, right from creation through to now.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

Eyes for Your Spouse While You’re Dating

About a year or so ago, God brought to me a revelation. Basically, it was about how even though you might be dating or engaged to someone, they still aren’t your spouse and your eyes still need to be protected.

At first I wanted to argue. Why can’t J find me attractive? Why can’t I find him attractive? It’s really not about being attracted to one another, but more about lust.

I’m going to be blunt and say that it’s harder to keep your eyes and hearts guarded from lust when you’re in a relationship compared to when you’re not, especially if you’re committed for the long run.

This is an area that J and I have struggled in. We’re so determined on marrying each other that somewhere along the line, we forgot unconsciously that we’re still simply courting and the same boundaries that apply with lust when you’re single still apply now, regardless of how committed you are.

There’s nothing wrong with finding your partner attractive. In fact, physical attraction is what will usually draw you together in the first place. We were made to appreciate the bodies around us and when emotions get involve, that only enhances it.

No, the problem lies with lust. Those nights when  you’re going to sleep and you’re imagining all the stuff you just sooo can’t wait to do until you’re married. You might find yourself thinking more about your girlfriends legs and chest, or your boyfriends six-pack. Pretty soon you’re so focused on the physical and that’s what lust is.

It’s just as wrong to lust after your partner as it is to lust after every other person in the world except your spouse. And your spouse is only your spouse once the vows are shared, the knot’s tied and the names are signed.

This is such a downfall for couples and I can say that the same goes for J and I. We’ve allowed lust into our courtship and because we let it grow while watering it with excuses, we now have a daily struggle to fight it out of the courtship and each other’s minds.

Your eyes belong to no one but your spouse. The same goes for your body. We emphasis the importance of physical purity until marriage, but I think it’s fair to say that mental, emotional and spiritual purity are equally as important.

Choose today to hold a covenant over your body, mind and soul. Choose to keep it for no one but your spouse. They are the only one’s worthy of your gift.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

The Purpose Of Being Single

A question proposed to me was this, What’s God’s purpose for me during this season in my life?

Today I seek to answer that question by offering three reasons God might be holding you in this season whether for a short time or extended. Either way, we know God has a purpose!

1. To be content. This is probably the primary reason I believe God withholds us from our heart’s desires at any point in time. I particularly experienced this a couple years ago when I lost my job. I had one days notice and I was devastated. I told myself that I’d find a job quickly and that it would be all okay. Well.. for months and months I applied for work and even tried to study something in the meantime, but nothing worked out. Finally, I was convicted while studying the Bible. Why wasn’t I thankful with what I have? Why did I want more? I realised I was being incredibly ungrateful by constantly trying to get out of the season instead of embracing it and learning from it. Well, within one week of finally being content with being jobless, I had a job! Ever since then, I make whatever effort I can to make sure I’m content and happy with where God has placed me. This applies to all areas, including relationships. Ask yourself, are you content with where you are? If not, now’s the time to start learning!

2. God wants you to focus on your relationship with him. I personally have never felt the desire for a relationship and because I entered my courtship with J at just 15, I haven’t really experienced the desire and worry of time running out. However, I have many friends who have walked this road and they all said something similar. Only when they began to focus on their relationship with God, did their relationships with others start to pick up. A well-known truth is that our relationship with Christ is the foundation of our relationship with anyone else. Yet, I’ve seen many friends that when they meet the love of their life, they ditch their relationship with God. They stop spending hours in prayer, going to Church on a Sunday, reading godly books. A common pattern is that within a couple of months, the relationship ends and this person is left worse off for wear. Could it be that God’s holding you in this season so you’ll lean on Him more? How many hours do you spend with? How much of the Bible do you read a day? These are all serious questions and just a word of warning: I’ve had many friends who ‘focused’ on their relationship with God hoping to get something from it. THAT DOESN’T WORK! DON’T FALL INTO THIS TRAP!

3. Lastly, maybe you’re simply not ready. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you’re confronted with the thought that maybe you’re the one holding yourself back. More often than not, this can be the case, however, there’s no shame in not being ready. Many couples I know within healthy relationships put down their success to their ability to wait for their future spouse, rather than just jump around with anyone. They intentionally focused on looking after themselves and growing within themselves that when God did reveal them to their future spouse, they were mature, healthy (emotionally, mentally and spiritually) and prepared to begin a relationship.

Well, I hope this blog post has been helpful! If so, drop a comment and don’t forget to share your own thoughts on the topic!

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

What It Means To Have A Perfect Spouse

Finding the perfect spouse is a dream we all seem to have in common. And why not? There’s nothing more appealing then the thought of finding Mr or Mrs Right, who are incapable of doing nothing wrong. Since my courtship began back in 2014, I believe I have a bit of a list on what it means to have the perfect spouse/future spouse.

1. They hurt you.

They will hurt you, possibly make you cry. In fact, only two weeks or so into my courtship I found myself curled up in the shower crying because I felt incredibly hurt. I could have ended my relationship there, but God’s promise of a brighter future kept me going. That’s right, people. Your perfect spouse is going to hurt you.

2. They won’t always look good. 

Ever daydreamed of having your own Chris Pratt of Ryan Gosling? Well, guess what? Your perfect spouse will not look ANYTHING like them at all. They may dress is clothes you think are stupid. They might not have abs or big breasts. Some of their teeth may be crooked and they could have a hair-cut that you think is ugly. Your perfect spouse is not always going to be appealing to you.

3. They will have other things in their life to worry.

We seem to believe that our perfect spouse will have 100% focus and undivided intention on us. Right? Wrong! Your perfect spouse is going to have friends they’ll hang out with, a job to stress about with projects keeping them up late into the night. They might be serving in Church and can’t sit beside. Really, it could be anything. Your perfect spouse will not always be focused on you.

4. They won’t be the “perfect Christian”

There’s nothing more attractive then a man or woman after God’s own heart, so of course our perfect spouse will be. Wrong again. Just like you, your perfect spouse will go through dry periods where they can barely focus on God, where they struggle to read the Word or struggle to believe. Maybe they’ll let a cuss word slip instead of speaking godly words all the time. Maybe their thoughts will wander to what they shouldn’t. Your perfect spouse will not be the perfect Christian.

5. Lastly, they won’t be royalty. 

We all dream of our big mansions filled with gadgets and gizmoes, yet our perfect spouse is probably going to be the average Jane or John Joe. They will struggle to pay the bills, work long hours at avaerage jobs, only afford the necessities, etc. Your perfect is probably going to be very average in the finance department.

So you’re reading this list and you’re probably thinking, how does that make them perfect?? It makes them perfect because they’re perfectly imperfect. Just like us, our perfect spouse/future spouse is going to make mistakes and stumble and fall through life. Yet, they’re also going to love you deeply and meaningfully. That’s how they’re the most perfect spouse for you.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

Choosing God’s Way over the Worlds

A metaphor I often think of when trying to decide between God’s way and the Worlds way is there’s two silver platters in front of you. One promises everything you could ever want with a pay later note written in the small print of the contract while there other promises hard painful work filled with temptations, a rollercoaster of good and bad times and in big bold letters the contract promises that it will all end up well and good.

Which would you choose?

Humanly, we’ll be drawn more likely to the first platter. Who doesn’t want what everything they desire handed to them all at once with only a tiny warning that eventually you’ll have to pay for it. The good is waaaay better then the bad, right?

Well we all think that at first until it comes to the time where we have to pay for it. We’ll yell and scream about how we never asked for this when realistically, we all but grabbed the deal and threw a party. We blame God, we blame others and we do everything we can not to take responsibility for our choices. We end up worse for wear then when the platter was first offered to us.

Godly speaking, you’d be drawn to the second platter. While it promises hard work and tough times, we know that throughout the Bible and through teachings that hard work is something to delight in and tough times only result in a further relationship with God. This means you reap the good times even in the bad and then at the end of it, you get even more good times. There’s nothing to pay back because you worked for it.

It’s most likely you’ve been through the first example at least once in your life. I’ve been there, done that and now I’m to scarred to even think about doing it again. It’s tempting though, but that’s how Satan works.

Satan is a liar. He’ll do everything to distract you from God and God’s way. For example, you might want to remain pure until marriage but then maybe you’ll have an ad pop up in google with a naked girl or you find yourself alone with your partner and all you can think about is sleeping with them. Satan is very sneaky with how he does things.

That’s why it’s so important to pray for open eyes to see God’s will and Satan’s and to get so close to God and the Word that you can immediately recognize when a thought or idea has been placed in your mind by the enemy and you can cast it out.

Every choice we make now in our walks of life will come back eventually. It’s up to us to decide whether it’s a haunting or a memory to delight in.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

Love Never Fails

Perhaps the best description of love found in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It explains perfectly and simply how we are to model love, true love. It shows clearly that it is not like the love we see in the world, but a Godly love. Remembering as well that all those things are what God is, is a big help to.

One of my favourites though is the line that says, “Love never fails, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.”

That one line has helped me miraculously in overcoming trials and temptations with J. Christian relationships are constantly being fired at by Satan (so Christian marriages and Christian families don’t happen) so it’s no surprise that almost every month there’s some big thing for us to battle through. There are times where I get so tired and I just want to give up, but then this line comes back to me and I know that we can do it together, as a team.

Love is a battlefield. You might have heard that saying before, but I’m telling you now that it’s very real. Love doesn’t always mean sunshine and lollipops. Love actually takes a lot of work to maintain. The world says you fall in love, but that implies you can fall out of it. They say you can’t help loving someone when in truth, love is a choice. If we relied on our emotions to determine whether we were in love or not, loads of relationships would be ending as we see clearly happening in the world. It’s because our emotions are always changing.

But by making the choice to love someone, we are also making a commitment – a vow. I believe even before marriage we make vows to each other. After all, courting or dating with intention means that you’re vowing to marry them. Maybe the vows are different, but they’re still vows and they should not be broken.

Of course there will be times where you realise that your partner and yourself are not compatible. However, that’s why its so important to work out compatibility BEFORE you enter a relationship. How? Establish a friendship first. The best relationships are built on friendship, not romance.

Relationships in God’s eyes should never be conditional. You will face trials together on an active level and I promise you now that sometimes you will feel everything but love towards your partner, but we made a vow and a commitment and in the end, when you overcome together, you actually love each other even more. It’s an active way to show your love.

Just some thoughts to keep in mind. Share your thoughts below!

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

What Does Waiting Look Like?

Something I’ve noticed is people see the name of our ministry and take that to mean we’re encouraging people to just laze around and expect a prince charming or princess to just rock up.

That’s the world’s definition of waiting and look at waiting like the world is dangerous and results in, as we’ve seen, many failed relationships and the downfall of peoples lives so today I thought I’d tell you all what waiting God’s way looks like.

Waiting Does Not Mean Lazing Around

Waiting is waiting for God to answer your prayers and desires. In the mean time, you still have a life to live. If we all stopped our lives until God answered, no one would have answered prayers. Why? Because God can’t bring things to pass if things aren’t moving. Unless you’re working hard in your life with your jobs, studdies, etc, you’re not going to grow. God doesn’t give us things we’re not ready for so if you’re waiting, it’s probably because you need to grow some more. This isn’t a bad thing unless you ignore it. Otherwise God gets the blame for “slacking”. Prayer goes both ways. You have to do your part and in return God will do His.

What does this look like?

Like I said, work hard! Study hard, grow into a deeper relationship with the Lord and set your sights on Him. God can’t move someone who isn’t moving. At least when you’re moving God can direct your paths. You’re not just going to wonder across your future spouse. God usually puts them on your path at a certain time and place. It’s your job to be their ready. Wait on the Lord, not on a partner.

Think of Ruth and Boaz. To survive in that era, Ruth needed a partner. The harvest season would only go so long and then she’d have no food to provide for herself and Naomi. Ruth was a faithful servant of the Lord though and she went to work in that field every day, trusting God would provide and fulfill her needs. It was while she was working and trusting that God put her in Boaz’s path. If Ruth chose to give up and stay at home, she wouldn’t have met Boaz and in effect, Jesus wouldn’t have been born.

We all have a part to play and we must play that part. Waiting means to trust and to serve. If you’re not working, study! If you’re not studying, work! Serve people and let God bring what’s to pass. In the mean time live your life and trust God to provide.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

Be Still… and Know That He Is God

We’re restless. We’re not patient, especially as we live in a world where everything is on demand. With one click of our finger we can have clothes brought to our house the next day, we can call someone, we can do everything that we want, when we want.

Just like with most things we feel or do as people, it’s not God’s way. If it were, there wouldn’t be so many scriptures on being patient and waiting for Him to work in your life.

I know a lot of you readers are waiting on your prince or princess. You’re searching high and low and you’re getting agitated because you can’t seem to find them. The truth is, you can’t just find the one ordained for you. It’s like looking for God. You can search for Him, but unless He reveals Himself to you, you’ll never find Him.

The same goes for our relationships. They’re a sacred metaphor for God and His Church and God takes that responsibility very seriously. That means He’s not just going to toss your life partner to you. No, God wants you ready and He wants them ready. If two broken people enter a relationship together, it only creates a broken relationship. He needs you both ready and prepared so that the true metaphor would be reflected.

If you can’t seem to find a partner, instead of asking why you can’t find them, ask why God isn’t revealing them to you. Perhaps there’s something God wants you to focus on that you’re ignoring because you’re to focused on a relationship. Perhaps you need to get a ministry going and grow in your faith. Maybe He wants you financially independent. There’s thousands of reasons why God is waiting but all of them are important.

Your time as a single person is not to be despised. God did amazing works in those who were single. Look at Paul and Mary Magdalene (although I believe Mary married later in life after going out to make disciples of the nations). They used their single life to the best they could to bring God glory.

Otherwise, if you enter a relationship prematurely, it’s not going to go to well. There’s going to be a lot of broken hearts and pain and God wants to protect you from that. Be still and know that He is God. He is in control of every area of your life and He wants to grant you the desires of your heart. All He asks is that you seek Him first and wait patiently for Him to bring to pass what He plans.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C