Real Purity

There’s a lie that so many Christians have gotten used to that they forget the truth and that’s the lie of what real purity is.

Certainly the Bible does say waiting for marriage is pure, but there’s so much then the physical when it comes to purity.

If purity is only a physical thing, does that mean watching pornography is okay?

According to Habakkuk 1:13, no.

“Your eyes are too pure to approve evil, And You can not look on wickedness with favor Why do You look with favor On those who deal treacherously? Why are You silent when the wicked swallow up Those more righteous than they?”

What we look at can definitely either be pure or impure and the difference is between what’s God honouring and what isn’t. The difference here is porn is lustful and lust is considered adultery and adultery is considered impure by God.

Purity is actually an issue of the heart. You know, the Pharisees obeyed every law of the Old Testament, but was God pleased with them? No, because their heart wasn’t in the right.

1 John 3:3 says,

“And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.”

To be pure, we see that we have to have a total faith on Jesus because Jesus Himself is as pure as it gets, as pure as God. If we then look to the way Jesus lived, we see that His faith in God was always backed up by our actions and that’s how it should be for us too.

Faith comes first, then comes work.

So you might then be asking, what does all this mean? What am I trying to say?

What I’m trying to say is anyone who watches porn is equal to those having sex before marriage. Anyone who’s engaged in phone sex has committed sexual immorality. Anyone who lets their thoughts dwell on sexual fantasies are just as much in the wrong as everyone else.

True purity is hard to have and I know from personal experience how hard it can be. It’s a daily battle, but I’m so determined to keep fighting impurity not just because of my faith in the most Pure, but because I want to guard and protect J’s purity and his heart and mind as well.

How impure would it be of me to dress skimpily for him when I know his conviction to remain pure until marriage?

We as Christians have focused so much on sex, that we’ve forgotten all the things that lead to sex are just as deadly.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

 

The Difference Between Sex and Making Love

Anyone who knows me knows I love to talk about sex. Not because I’m dirty, but because I believe sex should be a popular and open topic to discuss, even in Churches, because its God’s beautiful gift to mankind.

Today I would like to talk about the difference between having sex, and making love. Now, I’m a virgin and will remain so until I’m married. I’ll be the first to admit that J and I have done some things that we both regret physically, but we are both determined our virginity stays intack right until the wedding night. Some might so I’m not qualified to talk about such a “mature” topic because of my lack of experience, but to those who say this, does that mean I shouldn’t talk against drugs because I’ve never had it? Or be against abortion because I’ve never had one? Or not talk about God’s laws that I’ve never had an issue with?

God’s Word is very black and white and that’s why I qualify to talk about it. Anyone can because God said we could.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” – Hebrews 13:4

The Word of God is clearly against premarital sex and so therefore should we also be and that’s why I have come to the conclusion that there is a difference between sex and making love.

If you truly love someone, why would you cause them to fall into sin? We know the penalty of sin and, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Having premarital sex is not only a great dishonor to yourself, but to the person you’re doing it with. What’s loving about that? You might say you’re “in love” which is why you did it, but I’ll be blunt and say right now that if you truly loved them, you wouldn’t allow it to happen and therefore, I personally conclude that you don’t love them the way God talks about true love.

Making love, in my opinion, can only occur in marriage. Sure the act of sex is just the same, but it’s within the confines of a beautiful relationship dedicated to God and dedicated to one another for the rest of their lives.

Sex is a beautiful thing. It knits one person to another which is why safe sex only occurs in marriage as well. It’s a pleasurable experience and also an act of love to one another when in the confines of marriage.

I don’t want to just “have sex” with J. I want us to make love and I know the first step to that is first being married.

 

I urge you to read into the matter and come to your own convictions on the topic.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

Purity Lasts

One thing I absolutely hate is how people say purity ends once you have sex.  I used to be one of those people who thought that, but isn’t it a totally ridiculous idea? Why get married if you’re going to become impure? As Christians, wouldn’t that be the last thing we want?

If purity was about sex and sex alone, then we could probably say that the Bible is a load of rubbish, considering its always about being pure in heart and mind. If it’s lied about purity, that means it’s likely lying about everything else.

No. Instead, we need to re-line our thoughts with the Word because the Word is truth and anything contrary to the Word is false and needs to be discarded. That includes the lies about purity.

I understand that sex before marriage is considered impure, but so is lustful thoughts and sometimes the state of our hearts. I hate that we’ve made some about the physical when it’s meant to cover all areas. I’m sorry, but who sits there and tells a married couple that they’re now impure and they need to repent of their physical sin? If they’re not pure anymore, isn’t that still sin?

It’s a silly lie, but one that’s actually ripped a lot of people away from God. I’ve read of countless stories of women and men who, on their wedding nights, cried themselves to sleep because they were no longer pure and thought they had ruined God and they eventually walked away because they couldn’t serve God and sex at the same time.

That’s not what God wants. God wants to be present in all areas of our lives, including our sex lives. Purity comes from the heart. You could have someone who’s never had sex in their life but lusts after every woman or man on the planet. Are they more pure then a married couple having sex?

1 John 3:3,

“And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.”

If our faith in God makes us pure, then that means our physical life is the root of purity. Our physical purity is an outwork of our hearts purity and our hearts purity is dependent of our faith alone.

Our purity does not end the moment we’ve had sex. Our purity ends when we turn away from God and therefore embrace Satan. Our purity, when found in God can last forever.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

Eyes for Your Spouse While You’re Dating

About a year or so ago, God brought to me a revelation. Basically, it was about how even though you might be dating or engaged to someone, they still aren’t your spouse and your eyes still need to be protected.

At first I wanted to argue. Why can’t J find me attractive? Why can’t I find him attractive? It’s really not about being attracted to one another, but more about lust.

I’m going to be blunt and say that it’s harder to keep your eyes and hearts guarded from lust when you’re in a relationship compared to when you’re not, especially if you’re committed for the long run.

This is an area that J and I have struggled in. We’re so determined on marrying each other that somewhere along the line, we forgot unconsciously that we’re still simply courting and the same boundaries that apply with lust when you’re single still apply now, regardless of how committed you are.

There’s nothing wrong with finding your partner attractive. In fact, physical attraction is what will usually draw you together in the first place. We were made to appreciate the bodies around us and when emotions get involve, that only enhances it.

No, the problem lies with lust. Those nights when  you’re going to sleep and you’re imagining all the stuff you just sooo can’t wait to do until you’re married. You might find yourself thinking more about your girlfriends legs and chest, or your boyfriends six-pack. Pretty soon you’re so focused on the physical and that’s what lust is.

It’s just as wrong to lust after your partner as it is to lust after every other person in the world except your spouse. And your spouse is only your spouse once the vows are shared, the knot’s tied and the names are signed.

This is such a downfall for couples and I can say that the same goes for J and I. We’ve allowed lust into our courtship and because we let it grow while watering it with excuses, we now have a daily struggle to fight it out of the courtship and each other’s minds.

Your eyes belong to no one but your spouse. The same goes for your body. We emphasis the importance of physical purity until marriage, but I think it’s fair to say that mental, emotional and spiritual purity are equally as important.

Choose today to hold a covenant over your body, mind and soul. Choose to keep it for no one but your spouse. They are the only one’s worthy of your gift.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

A Gift in Marriage

Sex is good. Sex is actually really good. Not only is it pleasurable physically, but even science has proven that it’s great for your spiritual, mental and emotional health. In all regards it feels amazing and in all regards it brings two people into one. Again, this isn’t only just physical but the same as mentioned above.

I believe that as time goes by, people are forgetting more and more about how wonderful sex is and what it truly means. After all, there once was a time when it was scandalous to sneak a kiss before marriage and now if there’s a fourteen year old girl pregnant, no one bats and eye. Sex has become something of purely the physical, something that requires no responsibility or work when it’s the responsibility and work that makes it so great.

Because of the worlds pursuit of sex, it’s also added to the rise of abortion. There was a time the only “safe” sex was in marriage when now there’s birth control pills and condoms. When their “safety” fails, they murder the baby and go on living their lives with a smile.

People HATE taking responsibility for their actions and how they do things, but fellow Christians, we are to die to ourselves and do just that. We need to see things the way God sees them and keep them the way God sees them and for us in regards to sex, that means no sex before marriage.

Sex is a gift, a wedding gift to be exact. Think of it like a big present wrapped up under the Christmas tree. You might play around with it, maybe you’ll even tear a little hole to take a peek, but that all ruins the surprise of the gift. That downplays the gift and the gift has lost a lot of its specialty.

The reason why God wants us to wait for marriage is because He knows the emotional scars it can bring. For example, fourteen year olds pregnant and abandoned, or teen guys leaving school to work to pay for raising a baby. On top of that, the emotional scars can be scar leaving. Soul ties are often created through lust and sex. When the two people separate (which has been proven twice as likely if you’ve had sex with each other), it can cause such phenomenal pain. That’s because sex was created to make two one.

In marriage, you’re agreeing to live as one. You can’t just pack up and leave when the going gets tough. God knows how wonderful His gift is, but He knows when under the wrong circumstances it can ruin you.

Look to the Word and find for yourself what God has to say, but I can promise you that it says this: just because the world does it, doesn’t mean we should. Sex is a privilege for your SPOUSE, not your boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

Lets Talk About Sex

It’s been agreed (thank goodness) that the Bible and God condemns sex outside of marriage. However, there’s more then just the “God” reason (all though for me and most of you that is enough) why it’s great to wait for marriage.

Did you know that every time you engage in sex with someone else you give a little bit of yourself to that someone? Science has actually proven that which is fantastic. It’s like gluing two pieces of paper together and then ripping them a part. Little bits from one will remain on the other piece.

The more people you have sexual relations with, the more of yourself you give away. That sounds sweet and all, but what happens when you do get married and you don’t have much to give to your spouse? Do you regret that while other men or women have taken portions from you that the spouse is left with the leftovers? It’s confronting, I know, but that’s the truth for you and we can’t sugarcoat it in this overly sexualised world.

For me personally, I look forward to the night that I engage in sex for the first time with my husband and being able to say to him, “I waited for you and I have everything to give” and you know what? I hope he does the same for me. I don’t want to get the left overs. You can’t fully become one flesh when you’ve scattered yourself among others. If that makes me selfish for wanting a husband that waits then.. I’m selfish. You can’t be one flesh if there’s one or two incomplete people.

Past sex experiences are also called “sexual garbage” in marriage. I know right now, if you’re unmarried, that you just want to do it because you’re so in love and your bodies are going mad, but just think about it for a second. What you do now in anything is going to have an effect in your future marriage. “But what if I don’t want to get married?” you may ask, well hold up because that person you’re engaging in sex with might just want to one day and you’ve messed with someone else’s future spouse.

Free choice, yeah yeah I know. Everyone’s free to do what they want which is true, but don’t we all agree that it’s selfish of us to put ourselves before others? If you don’t want to get married, why are you toying with someone romantically anyway? It’s still an affair of the souls.

 

So please just remember that what you do now, is going to have an effect later. Why not try and minimize the garbage and instead sow good things? Why not hold onto the special gift of virginity so on your wedding night you can say to your spouse,

“I waited for you. I have no garbage brought into the married bed and I can become one flesh with you completely. I hope you can do the same for me.”

 

God bless!! xx

~ C

 

Cheating Without Cheating

I want to discuss and introduce a new topic that’s been on my mind lately and I think it might just help a few of you.

If you’re dating or in the courting stage, this blog post is for you. What I’m about to say could be confronting, but it’s still a thought I think we should all process.

We’re cheating.

We’re cheating with the people we’re romantically involved with now.

We’re cheating on our future spouses.

“But they’re in the future” you may argue. “Plus, we’re dating for marriage anyway. They are our future spouse.”

They may be, but are they yet? Nope. My boyfriend is not my husband. He may be in the future, but he isn’t yet. Therefore, what I do with my boyfriend could be considered cheating on the man I marry, even if that is him.

There’s lots of arguments we could have with this topic, but it’s still something to think about. Of course to get a spouse we first have to date and choose to love one another, but I’m referring to the physical aspect here.

When we kiss or hug our partner, we’re effectively cheating physically. That’s why the Bible says itself there’s more to sexual abstinence then just sex. Of course it doesn’t define certain things, but it is something to discuss among yourselves. Is it really just sex you want to save for your spouse or do you want to save more? Is what you’re doing with your partner now something that makes you feel guilty? What defines cheating for you?

I know it’s strange, but obviously God gave me these thoughts for a reason and I wish to share them.

I don’t want to cheat on my future husband now. It’s almost like cheating in marriage as well. Like I’ve said in previous posts, we do have freedom to choose what we do, but is what we do good for ourselves or for those around us?

True love waits. What you want to be the first for your spouse you should give to them too. If you want to be their first kiss, they should be yours. If you want to be the first person they fall asleep with, then so should you.

Frankly, it’s something to discuss with your partner. Do you feel guilty about something that you’re doing? Do you want to change or tighten some boundaries to better protect each other and your future husbands and wives?

Discuss it!

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

 

What too Look For In A Mate

Most of us would have grown up with fantasies of our future lives. What would our wedding be like? What would my dress look like? But more importantly, what would my partner be like?

Sadly, as we grow up, we either cling to those fantasies and don’t allow for any changes that God wants us to make, or we give up entirely on our dreams of our future family. Both of these are unhealthy.

We are meant to change. Our hearts, minds and spirits should always be growing and maturing. That is God’s desire for us as Christians. Without growth, we’re not going to be able to glorify God to our full potential. As we grow in Christ, our desires will start to grow too. In regards to partnerships, as we grow, God will start speaking to you about your future mate and what they should be like to suit you. If you’re refusing to let God have a say on the matter, then you’re going to end up with someone that God did not design for you. That is a very unhealthy situation to be in. Not just for you, but your partner as well.

However, you shouldn’t discard your childhood wishes as well. Yes we grow and mature, but at the same time, God reminds us in Luke 18:17, Matthew 18:3, Matthew 19:14 and Matthew 10:13-16 that children have the most purest of hearts and souls. They are closer to God then any adult could ever be. Therefore, the desires we have as children are still fresh from being with God in Heaven. There’s a purpose for them. Discarding them is to discard God’s will for our lives. Instead, we need to grow and mature them.

Every person is different so I’m not going to give a list of do’s and don’ts. However, there are some things everyone should find in their mate.

 

1. They build up your faith, not tear it down.

2 Corinthians 6:14 is a reminder that it is against God’s will for a Christian to be with an unbeliever. It damages the both of you and it’d be like trying to put Satan and Jesus in a room, thinking they’d get along well together. It just won’t happen. You can try and fight for it, but spiritually you’re suffering because you’re not receiving the growth from your partner. God’s desire is for couples to encourage and help build faith. Without that faith building, not real relationship building will be done.

 

2. They are respectful to their parents

 

If you’re dating, it probably means you’ve both moved out of home and revelling in your newfound freedom from your family. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean you should ever disrespect your parents. It’s against God’s commandments. If you’re partner disrespects their parents, it means they won’t truly respect you.

 

3. You can laugh around them

 

This doesn’t sound like much and it sounds like a given, but that’s not the case for quite a few people. If you’re not comfortable laughing and joking about anything around your partner, it means subconsciously you’re scared of their reaction. As it says in scripture, you should never be scared of your partner. Perfect Godly love casts out all fear.

 

4. You talk about the good, the bad and the hideous

 

If your partner isn’t willing to talk about the deep stuff, then they’re not the one for you. Partnership isn’t just all fun and games. It requires deep, emotional connection and the freedom to talk about anything and everything. If there are topics that have been banned in your relationship, that means you can’t really be truthful with each other. Truth is a big fundamental of relationships.

 

5. They respect your boundaries

 

Not just physical boundaries, but any boundaries! If your partner won’t respect your boundaries in your courtship/relationship, then they won’t in marriage. If they truly loved and honoured you, they wouldn’t push against them, but instead honour and help you maintain them. God does not desire you to be with someone who dishonours you.

 

 

These are only just a few of the many details to find in a partner, but they are very important just the least. If your partner goes against any of these, then you should pray about it and ask God’s advice on what to do next.

 

God bless! Xx

~ C