Real Purity

There’s a lie that so many Christians have gotten used to that they forget the truth and that’s the lie of what real purity is.

Certainly the Bible does say waiting for marriage is pure, but there’s so much then the physical when it comes to purity.

If purity is only a physical thing, does that mean watching pornography is okay?

According to Habakkuk 1:13, no.

“Your eyes are too pure to approve evil, And You can not look on wickedness with favor Why do You look with favor On those who deal treacherously? Why are You silent when the wicked swallow up Those more righteous than they?”

What we look at can definitely either be pure or impure and the difference is between what’s God honouring and what isn’t. The difference here is porn is lustful and lust is considered adultery and adultery is considered impure by God.

Purity is actually an issue of the heart. You know, the Pharisees obeyed every law of the Old Testament, but was God pleased with them? No, because their heart wasn’t in the right.

1 John 3:3 says,

“And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.”

To be pure, we see that we have to have a total faith on Jesus because Jesus Himself is as pure as it gets, as pure as God. If we then look to the way Jesus lived, we see that His faith in God was always backed up by our actions and that’s how it should be for us too.

Faith comes first, then comes work.

So you might then be asking, what does all this mean? What am I trying to say?

What I’m trying to say is anyone who watches porn is equal to those having sex before marriage. Anyone who’s engaged in phone sex has committed sexual immorality. Anyone who lets their thoughts dwell on sexual fantasies are just as much in the wrong as everyone else.

True purity is hard to have and I know from personal experience how hard it can be. It’s a daily battle, but I’m so determined to keep fighting impurity not just because of my faith in the most Pure, but because I want to guard and protect J’s purity and his heart and mind as well.

How impure would it be of me to dress skimpily for him when I know his conviction to remain pure until marriage?

We as Christians have focused so much on sex, that we’ve forgotten all the things that lead to sex are just as deadly.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

 

The Difference Between Sex and Making Love

Anyone who knows me knows I love to talk about sex. Not because I’m dirty, but because I believe sex should be a popular and open topic to discuss, even in Churches, because its God’s beautiful gift to mankind.

Today I would like to talk about the difference between having sex, and making love. Now, I’m a virgin and will remain so until I’m married. I’ll be the first to admit that J and I have done some things that we both regret physically, but we are both determined our virginity stays intack right until the wedding night. Some might so I’m not qualified to talk about such a “mature” topic because of my lack of experience, but to those who say this, does that mean I shouldn’t talk against drugs because I’ve never had it? Or be against abortion because I’ve never had one? Or not talk about God’s laws that I’ve never had an issue with?

God’s Word is very black and white and that’s why I qualify to talk about it. Anyone can because God said we could.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” – Hebrews 13:4

The Word of God is clearly against premarital sex and so therefore should we also be and that’s why I have come to the conclusion that there is a difference between sex and making love.

If you truly love someone, why would you cause them to fall into sin? We know the penalty of sin and, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Having premarital sex is not only a great dishonor to yourself, but to the person you’re doing it with. What’s loving about that? You might say you’re “in love” which is why you did it, but I’ll be blunt and say right now that if you truly loved them, you wouldn’t allow it to happen and therefore, I personally conclude that you don’t love them the way God talks about true love.

Making love, in my opinion, can only occur in marriage. Sure the act of sex is just the same, but it’s within the confines of a beautiful relationship dedicated to God and dedicated to one another for the rest of their lives.

Sex is a beautiful thing. It knits one person to another which is why safe sex only occurs in marriage as well. It’s a pleasurable experience and also an act of love to one another when in the confines of marriage.

I don’t want to just “have sex” with J. I want us to make love and I know the first step to that is first being married.

 

I urge you to read into the matter and come to your own convictions on the topic.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

Purity Lasts

One thing I absolutely hate is how people say purity ends once you have sex.  I used to be one of those people who thought that, but isn’t it a totally ridiculous idea? Why get married if you’re going to become impure? As Christians, wouldn’t that be the last thing we want?

If purity was about sex and sex alone, then we could probably say that the Bible is a load of rubbish, considering its always about being pure in heart and mind. If it’s lied about purity, that means it’s likely lying about everything else.

No. Instead, we need to re-line our thoughts with the Word because the Word is truth and anything contrary to the Word is false and needs to be discarded. That includes the lies about purity.

I understand that sex before marriage is considered impure, but so is lustful thoughts and sometimes the state of our hearts. I hate that we’ve made some about the physical when it’s meant to cover all areas. I’m sorry, but who sits there and tells a married couple that they’re now impure and they need to repent of their physical sin? If they’re not pure anymore, isn’t that still sin?

It’s a silly lie, but one that’s actually ripped a lot of people away from God. I’ve read of countless stories of women and men who, on their wedding nights, cried themselves to sleep because they were no longer pure and thought they had ruined God and they eventually walked away because they couldn’t serve God and sex at the same time.

That’s not what God wants. God wants to be present in all areas of our lives, including our sex lives. Purity comes from the heart. You could have someone who’s never had sex in their life but lusts after every woman or man on the planet. Are they more pure then a married couple having sex?

1 John 3:3,

“And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.”

If our faith in God makes us pure, then that means our physical life is the root of purity. Our physical purity is an outwork of our hearts purity and our hearts purity is dependent of our faith alone.

Our purity does not end the moment we’ve had sex. Our purity ends when we turn away from God and therefore embrace Satan. Our purity, when found in God can last forever.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

True Love Waits

J and I have gone through our fair share of temptation and we still do. No couple, Christian or not, is saved from temptation, especially as your relationship continues to grow and develop.

There have been times where I’ve thought about just giving in to my desires and just having sex, but its in those times God reminds me the most that, that’s the complete opposite of what love is and is the most unloving thing I could do to J.

It seems hard to get my head around. “If he likes it, how can it not be love?”. Ask yourself, if you loved someone, would you stab them? Shove them down into mud? That’s what sin does, cover us in the dirtiness and filth that God has saved us from.

I still find it hard to process, but I’m now at a place where I can say when the temptation arrives that I love J and that means I want to keep him out of sins hands. Temptation, though it might fight, must yield to us for we have Christ’s authority.

I wish more people understood that just because something feels good doesn’t make it right. For example, porn creates a lot of good feelings for those who watch it, but the negative effects show up later in broken marriages, erectile dysfunction, etc.

When you look at the world, you see the true devastation of what happens when we give into sexual temptation: young girls pregnant, or maybe having abortions, couples cheating on each other left right and center, AIDS and other sexual diseases, etc. When I remember all those things, not only am I fighting to protect J, but myself.

Just to clarify, J also protects me. Fighting temptation of this nature needs to be a team effort, otherwise you’re not going to win. Besides, if you’re dating someone who’s trying to pressure you into sex or has no care about your virginity, they’re not the God honouring partner God wants you with.

False love says, “But baby, just one time can’t hurt. We’ll use protection and go real slow and I promise after that we won’t do it again.” Or, “it won’t hurt just to cuddle under a blanket right? It’s normal for hands to wander, right?”

Real love says, “Though the desire to go far with you is strong, I’m going to honour you and show you the love that God wants you to have and the only real love that there is by waiting until our wedding night together where we can do this safely and in God’s design.”

Real love is all about being selfless while fake love is selfish, only it tries to mask itself by deceit.

I choose the way of real love and real truth by honouring each other’s bodies through purity. Will you choose God’s way? Or the worlds way?

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

A Letter To Women about: Sex From a Man’s Perspective

Dear Women,

 

Just like most of you, I was pretty naive about sex from a guys perspective. I knew they liked it and I was always raised to “never let a man pressure you”, so I always had a worldly view on how men see sex. Please note that the perspective I’m writing from is a GODLY man’s perspective, not a worldly mans. Don’t settle for any less then a partner from God’s side.

My first stigma is true. Men like sex and whether we like it or not, they can’t exactly help it either. The same feeling we get from a kiss on the cheek and a cuddle after a long day is scientifically proven to be the same feeling men get from sex.

But sex is actually a lot more then physical for godly men. I remember reading For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhan and my eyes were open to the truth about godly men’s views.

You might have heard of the quote, “Girls give sex to be loved and men give love to have sex.” It sounds totally wrong, but if you look deeper into it, it’s quite true.

We women are quite lucky. We don’t need sex to feel loved, but men actually can’t feel loved unless they’re having a healthy dose of sex. And that’s actually how they are wired to show love most to you. So you know all those times, wives, where you’ve said no to physical time with your husband? That’s actually saying to him, “I don’t have time to give you what you need and I don’t have time to receive the love you’re trying to give.”

Yes. You read me right. Christian men like sex not because of what they can get out of it, but because of what they feel they can give which is a healthy dose of pleasure and the purest form of affection.

On top of that, did you know that it’s also linked to their desire to be heroes? You’re probably rolling your eyes right now and to that I say you need to give yourself a heart check. Men can’t help the way they’re wired, just like us. And to make fun of that is to make fun of their very beings.

But back to the point, sex is a way that men feel needed by their wives, a desire that God has built into them. With that said, it’s also a fact that these same men would rather not have sex then have sex with their wives who are just doing it for their husband’s sake, and not because they want to.

Say what??? I know right?!?! I was so surprised when I came across all this information and I realised that’s what J had been trying to explain to me every-time I’ve asked about his views on sex.

Sex is their way of saying I love you, not by choice, but by their wiring. Sex is their way of being truly vulnerable with you and they can’t achieve the same feeling any other way. Sex isn’t a selfish act, but an act of great love in the eyes of men. My desire is that we use this information to address the stigmas and views of sex that we might need to address.

 

Love,

~ C

 

A Letter to Men About: Sex From a Woman’s Perspective

Dear blokes,

 

Last time I wrote to women about sex from a man’s perspective and you guys aren’t off the hook. Today is your turn to get a deeper understanding of what goes on in the female mind.

Believe it or not, most women (not all) don’t actually have a desire for sex the majority of time. Unlike you guys, it’s not a need that’s going off in the back of the mind and it rarely comes to mind for us at all. You’re probably confused considering how often it’s there for you, but just as you are wired that way, women are wired this way. We don’t need sex and it’s very rare that we’ll actually want it.

Here’s one reason why: For you, it can be so quick and easy to get in the mood. Whenever you want you could have sex. However, women don’t feel like sex until arousal is already achieved. Once that’s achieved, sex is rather easy to get into, but its saying yes to the first part that’s rarely on our mind.

Female arousal takes time and lots of it. Husbands, have you ever wondered why you achieve orgasm so quickly but your wife has probably never experienced one? That’s probably because lots of foreplay is needed for women to achieve satisfaction from sex. Without it, sex is literally just something they do for your pleasure. Foreplay is a must if you want your wife panting after you.

But let me assure you of this as well: When your wife says no, it’s not because she doesn’t love you or desire you. To put it bluntly, a lot of the time sex is just another task on the list and sadly, it’s not as important to us as say, going out to dinner or spending quality time together.

When I told J of this, he felt betrayed and hurt. Just like when I asked him if we had 24 hours left together he said he’d rather have sex the whole time then to talk and do romantic things.

See, the feeling that you get from sex, we don’t. We get it from a kiss on the cheek or when you help out around the house with chores. We aren’t designed to receive the same way you do and we women wish you could understand this more and didn’t take it so personally when you mention sex and our knees don’t go weak.

If you want sex more, you need to be willing to give more work into address your wife’s needs, not your own. The same should then be done for you, but love is about being selfless so even if your wife doesn’t respond with countless hours of sex, you are to be selfless.

I hope this has cleared any assumptions or confusions you might be experiencing. If I’ve missed anything, please let me know and I’ll answer.

 

Love,

~ C

 

Sexual Restoration

The Bible makes it pretty clear the self-control is something we all have to practice. Not just because God says so, but for our betterment as well.

Proverbs 25:18 says, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” 

In other words, self-control is our protection from the attacks of our enemy and without it, we’re as good as (spiritually) dead.

But, it’s easier said then done and I know that personally. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”  Therefore I can’t be the only one here today who has fallen short when it comes to sexual sin and temptation.

J and I, just like any other couple, have experienced our fair share of sexual temptation and though I wish I could say otherwise, sometimes we didn’t fight it as hard as we should have and we’re left picking up the broken pieces that are the result of such a sin.

Sin is sin, but sexual immorality is specifically spoken to separately. Read here what it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20,

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body”

Our bodies are the temple of God and unlike other sins, sexual temptation violates our temples and we all know God’s Spirit doesn’t deserve to live in such a temple.

 

This however is not meant to be about naming and shaming. Instead, I want to focus on sexual restoration.

Maybe you’ve been involved in an affair and you can’t escape the disgusting feeling hanging over you. Proverbs 6:32 addresses this when it says, “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.” Adultery doesn’t just violate a marriage, it violates you as a person as well. But don’t fear, Jesus Himself spoke to an adulterous and said,  “Jesus stood up again and said to the woman,“Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”  “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “NEITHER DO I. Go and sin no more.” (John 8:10-11. Emphasis mine)

Adultery isn’t the only lust spoken about. In fact, all kinds of lust is mentioned including the lust of the eyes, mind and heart. I myself have fallen short in a number of these areas, and I’m sure some of you have to. Maybe you’re feeling guilty, maybe you don’t. But we all know we need to turn from this lust and walk in restoration.

What does the Bible have to say about this?

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;” – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 

When we know God, it becomes easier for us to fight the temptation. When we fight it, we are holding our body holy and honorable before God. As Jesus spoke to the adulterous woman, we need to go and sin no more. God forgives us, and now its time we forgive ourselves and move forward down the path of self-control.

 

GOD BLESS xx

~ C

 

A Letter to The Sexually Abused

I was reading statistics the other day and from my understanding, 1 in 4 women will be molested in their life-time. It made me sad that I wasn’t at all surprised by this. In fact, I would have thought it to be much higher.

My sister was molested when she was a teenager, my best friend was molested when she was 10. Another friend was molested at the age of 5 and another when she was 14. These are but to name a few and I’ve found countless other recounts of similar circumstances, much to my great sadness.

Whether you’re a boy or a girl does not matter. What statistics say does not matter because your story is much more important then a number on a website.

I can’t even begin to understand the pain and devastation, even though I’ve walked through it with my friends. I remember my best friend crying herself to sleep, my sister getting severely depressed and the other two were self-harming like no tomorrow. I only saw the outside, but I can’t even fathom what would be happening on the inside of them, or the insides of those that are reading this right now.

I want to first make it clear that it wasn’t your fault. I’m sure you’ve had countless people tell you otherwise, but no person is responsible for anothers sin. Sin is a choice that we each make on our own. So I don’t care if maybe you were wearing a mini-skirt or maybe you decided halfway through a makeout session that enough was enough but they kept going against your pleas. You didn’t make them do it.

Secondly, God is on your side. Psalms 72:4 says, “May he defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the children of the needy, and crush the oppressor!” 

Whoever touched you is going to have a lot to answer for when they get to God’s throne room. Never forget that you are a son or daughter of God. He is your Father and any good  father would burn the skies to make the abuser of His beloved child pay for what they did. Maybe you want vengeance, maybe you don’t, but God has promised that they will answer for the pain they’ve caused you.

Maybe you also feel like you can’t be loved by anyone because of what happened to you. Let me tell you now that that’s a deception Satan has sown into your mind. Would you call someone run over a car unlovable because of what happened? Not so (I hope). And the same goes for you. You are not defined by what happened to you.

Words can’t fix what happened to you, but I do know that God can and will give you restoration. Matthew 11:28 says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” It doesn’t change what happened in the past, but it does tell you that God’s going to help you get through the pain and the heartache and He will look after you.

I hope this reaches the hearts that needed to read this today.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

The Icing On The Cake

Sex.

Possibly one of the most talked about and controversial things within the world, especialy the Christian world. A lot of the times sex talk is deemed impure by the Church, but I personally am a big believe in talking about it. Why? Because it’s clearly a beautiful gift God has given to married people and it needs to be talked about.

What I want to talk about today though is it’s role within marriage. Often times as I’m courting I think about how great and amazing sex is going to be and why shouldn’t I think otherwise? When you’re not allowed to have something just yet, it looks all the more better. Unfortunately though, I have seen the effects of to high exaltation of sex and it often leaves couples unfulfilled and disappointed, not just within their sex life, and married life.

While sex is great and is a beautiful thing, sex is not what keeps your marriage together. What keeps your marriage together is how you go about your day to day life. Sex is important, but when sex becomes the cake and the marriage is just the icing, then you have issues. Rightfully, sex is the icing of the cake. Without it, the marriage isn’t as good as it could be, but with to much and only a little marriage, you have a relationship set for failure.

Whether you’re courting/dating, married or single, I believe an understanding of this truth will help you prepare for a better marriage and sex life. Understanding something like this has saved a lot of marriages set for divorce. Sadly, it’s an understanding that is rarely spoken about, especially by the Christian community and therefore a lot of marriages have and are suffering.

A better understanding of sex’ role in marriage can actually improve your sex life. The more you focus on building a good marriage life, the more building is done to your sex life.

There’s a reason God asked His people to wait until marriage and I actually believe part of it is so we understand and build a meaningful relationship so that we can have the icing with the cake, not just one or the other. The world is a great example of the misunderstanding of sex. Friends with benefits is a growing trend.

Sex is something you do as a married couple, but you need to be building your marriage to have a good sex life.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C

 

A Gift in Marriage

Sex is good. Sex is actually really good. Not only is it pleasurable physically, but even science has proven that it’s great for your spiritual, mental and emotional health. In all regards it feels amazing and in all regards it brings two people into one. Again, this isn’t only just physical but the same as mentioned above.

I believe that as time goes by, people are forgetting more and more about how wonderful sex is and what it truly means. After all, there once was a time when it was scandalous to sneak a kiss before marriage and now if there’s a fourteen year old girl pregnant, no one bats and eye. Sex has become something of purely the physical, something that requires no responsibility or work when it’s the responsibility and work that makes it so great.

Because of the worlds pursuit of sex, it’s also added to the rise of abortion. There was a time the only “safe” sex was in marriage when now there’s birth control pills and condoms. When their “safety” fails, they murder the baby and go on living their lives with a smile.

People HATE taking responsibility for their actions and how they do things, but fellow Christians, we are to die to ourselves and do just that. We need to see things the way God sees them and keep them the way God sees them and for us in regards to sex, that means no sex before marriage.

Sex is a gift, a wedding gift to be exact. Think of it like a big present wrapped up under the Christmas tree. You might play around with it, maybe you’ll even tear a little hole to take a peek, but that all ruins the surprise of the gift. That downplays the gift and the gift has lost a lot of its specialty.

The reason why God wants us to wait for marriage is because He knows the emotional scars it can bring. For example, fourteen year olds pregnant and abandoned, or teen guys leaving school to work to pay for raising a baby. On top of that, the emotional scars can be scar leaving. Soul ties are often created through lust and sex. When the two people separate (which has been proven twice as likely if you’ve had sex with each other), it can cause such phenomenal pain. That’s because sex was created to make two one.

In marriage, you’re agreeing to live as one. You can’t just pack up and leave when the going gets tough. God knows how wonderful His gift is, but He knows when under the wrong circumstances it can ruin you.

Look to the Word and find for yourself what God has to say, but I can promise you that it says this: just because the world does it, doesn’t mean we should. Sex is a privilege for your SPOUSE, not your boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

GOD BLESS XX

~ C