About a year or so ago, my mum told me to read the book Boundaries in Marriage by John Preston and John Townsend and let me tell you, it’s probably one of the best books I’ve ever read.
Though I am not yet married, the topic of marriage has always been an interest for me, but not in a personal way. I was not your average girl. While my sister’s dreamed of their future marriages and children, I thought about the travel I wanted to do and the career I want to have. Even today, as I flow through my 3rd year of courtship with J, these dreams are still predominant to me. Still, through that, I’ve always been fascinated by the functions and meanings behind this act.
Due to this fascination, I’ve been confronted by more heartbreaking stories than positive ones when it comes to marriage. Many friends and family friends of mine have faced through some of the toughest situations, such as cheating, pornography, emotional/mental/physical abuse, etc. Before reading this book, I wouldn’t have a clue on how to react or what to suggest, but now I tell them straight away to go it.
Here’s the biggest lesson I learned from the book:
It‘s okay to say no to your spouse. This point is probably the most scandalous as many use 1 Corinthians 7:5 to argue against it. This, of course, is a verse to hold highly, but here’s a situation I was speaking to a girl about: Her husband came home from work each day, refused to play or help with the kids, only left the TV to eat meals and rarely held a conversation with her. Yet, when it came to bed time, he expected her to give sex freely and wonderfully. If she denied, that verse was quickly used to get his way. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but that screams of something very badly being wrong. Not only is it manipulation, but it’s clear that they have no interest in investing into the relationship while they expect their spouse to do the same. So what did my friend do after reading the book? One day she said no, rolled over and went to sleep. The next day, she did the same. After about a week, changes started to occur. When he got home from work, he kissed her on the cheek. If the kids wanted to play, he’d play with them. He even offered to cook a meal from time to time. Since bringing the word “no” into their marriage, both report that it’s never been better.
This was one thing that never made sense to me when it came to using 1 Corinthians 7:5. When I imagine Jesus looking at a marriage, I don’t imagine that he’s sitting there, shaking His head in frustration because a wife says no to sex after her husband has been cruel to her. Or if a husband says no to going out to dinner with a wife who’s just spent half an hour screaming at him.
So what’s my understanding of that verse? My understanding is that this scripture is used in thriving marriages, where both spouses are giving 100% to their spouse and dedicated to making their marriage as good as possible. I also believe it’s context rests on those who say “no” just for the sake of it. Really, there’re so many possibilities. My hope in making this blog is that it would stir up questions within yourself, and my definite suggestion is, regardless of whether your marriage is healthy or not BUY THIS BOOK!
Honestly, even in my courtship, it has been a bless.
GOD BLESS XX
~ C
Pursuing God's Best 